Many of the daily responsibilities and tasks of motherhood go unseen by the outside world. It’s common for moms to feel overwhelmed and unappreciated as we rock fussy babies, clean up spills, and correct the same misbehavior for the hundredth time. Nobody knows what I’m going through. My work feels invisible.
In the West, there’s a big push to validate moms and bring awareness to the so-called invisibility of motherhood. Parenting apps conduct surveys and release reports about how much moms are doing. Mommy bloggers (who have never met me) write that they “see me,” and memes proclaim me a “supermom.”
When I feel my work is invisible or insignificant, it’s helpful to know other women have felt the same way, and I certainly appreciate words of encouragement. But as a Christian mom, I should know better than anyone that nothing I do is invisible. Everything I do—or neglect to do—is fully and completely known to God.
God Sees—Everything
On one hand, God’s omnipresence and omniscience should give me great comfort. God sees all the hard, mundane, overwhelming work I do. But this same reality should also be profoundly sobering. If God is with me when no one else is, then he also sees what no one else sees. If I’m honest, I’d like some of my thoughts and actions to stay invisible.
Everything I do—or neglect to do—is fully and completely known to God.
It’s one thing for a mom influencer who doesn’t know me to say, “I see you, mom!” It’s an entirely different thing for God to say, “I know everything you’ve ever done.” In the middle of the night when I’m all alone, God sees me grumbling as I pick up my baby, and he knows my bitter thoughts toward my husband.
When I feel like my work is invisible, I can become emboldened in my secret sins because it seems like there’s no one to hold me accountable. After all, nobody is around to see me yell at my kids, neglect to discipline them in love, or waste an afternoon on my phone.
But nothing is hidden from God. He sees all my sin, even a grumbling heart. The truth of God’s omniscience should be both a deep comfort when I’m overwhelmed and isolated and a strong warning when I’m tempted to sin.
Combat the Lie of Invisibility
What can moms do when we feel invisible and despondent or tempted to sin? Biblical wisdom shows it’s important to bring our struggles and temptations into the light of Christian community. By telling others we’re overwhelmed, we invite them to help bear our burdens (Gal. 6:2).
A key element of sharing our burdens is confessing our sin to each other (James 5:16). If we’re going to combat the lie of “invisibility,” we must make meeting together for accountability a regular priority.
If I know I’m going to meet with my accountability group on Thursday evening, I may be less tempted to sin on Wednesday. When others know how I spend my time, speak about my husband, and respond to aggravating situations, I’m reminded God sees those things too.
But finding or creating a solid accountability group can be a challenge. If your church doesn’t provide an accountability structure, you may need to create your own group. Start by regularly attending a weekly women’s Bible study or fellowship group and making note of women whose faith you admire and who live in your general area (within 15 minutes is ideal).
Think through the purposes, format, time, and place of your accountability group and then invite a select group of ladies to join. Don’t be discouraged if you get turned down. The goal isn’t a large group but a committed and consistent one. Recognize that prioritizing these kinds of relationships will be costly in terms of time, emotional energy, and planning (such as hiring a babysitter or meeting at a time kids are at school or co-op).
Worth the Effort
If I’m honest, I often don’t feel like making the effort. Exhausted at the end of the day, I may prefer watching reels on Instagram about overworked moms and lazy dads, which make me feel “seen,” rather than getting off my couch and investing in real relationships with other sisters in Christ. It’s easy to feel a connection with online mom accounts that voice our frustrations of feeling invisible, but they tend to fuel our grumbling rather than help us grow in gratitude and contentment.
What does help is pursuing in-person, ongoing, committed accountability with other believers. When we cultivate these relationships—especially with women in other seasons of life, whether single, married without kids, or empty nesters, in addition to other young moms—we’re reminded our current experience in motherhood isn’t the only tough calling. All my sisters, whether young moms or not, face daily challenges, and they too can feel invisible.
It’s easy to feel a connection with online mom accounts that voice our frustrations, but they tend to fuel our grumbling rather than help us grow in gratitude.
As I honestly confess my sin to other sisters, I no longer feel like a supermom. I feel exposed. But as they pray for me, encourage me in the truth, and point back to the real superhero—the Lord Jesus—I no longer feel the need to validate myself.
There’s no such thing as an invisible mom or a supermom. But there are moms who are fully known, fully forgiven, and fully loved in Christ. He has called us to live in the light as he is in the light. And as we abide in him, we need not fear our labor is in vain.
This post was originally published on The Gospel Coalition